The Origins of the Attention Whore

Today on Kotaku: The Harassment of Women Gamers by YouTube Trolls

So:

Let’s say, that, hypothetically, I was very skilled at a particular game.

Let’s say, that, hypothetically, I wanted to share this with others, so I started up a channel on YouTube with videos.

Sooner or later, from me voice, or my screen name, or other offered clues, someone notices that I’m a woman. How I look is suddenly relevant. If I don’t show what I look like, I’m probably an ugly, gross, fat, disgusting beast. I’ll get insults based on an imagined view of how I look.

Now, let’s say, hypothetically, that I try to quiet these insults by showing myself, and, again, hypothetically, I actually met those standards of “hotness,” standards which involve, among other things, thinness, youth, the right hair color, the right face, and a particular standard of dress and grooming.

Suddenly, it’s also bad that I look that way, because I’m an “attention whore,” who profits off of her looks. I’m a slut who dresses in a way men approve.

The other option is to ignore the initial volley of insults. Of course, the possibility exists that someone finds out what I look like anyway, so it doesn’t matter much.

So:

Let’s say, instead, that hypothetically, I’m not particularly good at a particular game. Maybe I’m just learning. Maybe I just have a passing interesting the game. Hell, maybe I don’t even care about it at all and I’m just messing around. Whatever. I play a game.

I notice, that playing the game, that men on the game behave differently to women on the game than they do other men. They’re nicer to women, or meaner to women, or just more confrontational and demanding of women, whatever. One particular, notable thing, is that men are much nicer to women who show they are pretty, or who flirt with them.

Suddenly I realize that if I want people not to be rude to me, the best way to play the game is to respond positively to flirtations. Maybe that will even make the game easier. Hell, maybe some people will even give me stuff in the game, or even real world money just to see me play the game. Cool.

The “attention whore” is often the same person as the “fake geek girl.” A woman who enters part of nerd culture and happens to be attractive. A woman who perhaps even acknowledges her own attractiveness. Of course, she was forced to anyway, by the culture that made her attractiveness relevant to her “geek status” or her skill at a game, or her skill at damn near anything.

If you believe in the existence of this creature, this attention vampire that drinks her choice of nectar not from your throat, but from your eyes, your first line of defense should be to not feed her the attention. Trolling and harassment are still “attention,” after all. She is not a “positivity whore,” right?

But perhaps a stronger strategy would be to examine the reason she exists in the first place.

Again, hypothetically: might it be possible to value a woman’s contribution, or even her presence, without making it about how she looks?

Would the cosplay vampire burn in the sunlight if you complimented the stitching on her costume instead of the size of her breasts, the careful accuracy of her makeup instead of the color of her eyes? It is no crime for a woman to be beautiful, but women have other things they can do aside from be observed.